“If you’re so scared of everything, then why do you do it?”
A friend once asked me this during one of our trips. I haven’t stopped thinking about it since then.
I am on average scared of more things than any other person I know. I am scared of fire -yes; that includes a lighter or matches- , I am scared of the sea, the ocean, lakes or any water surface I can’t see the bottom of. I am scared of waves, snorkeling, diving, lightning and dark forests. I am scared of illnesses and most of all of getting hurt physically – even a paper cut can have me crying. I am scared that people I like won’t like me back or someone I care about will forget about me. I am scared of a lot of animals, of gas leaks, CO-poisoining and drugs. I am scared of sleeping on the beach or in a forest or being anywhere alone in nature for that matter. I am scared when flying a plane or taking a taxi alone when it’s dark. I get scared by every strange noise I hear or roads I don’t know where they’ll lead me.
For those who hadn’t noticed: all these things are pretty much 100% present when travelling. And definitely when travelling alone. So maybe you can imagine what I’m like 70% of the time.
When I started to sum up all of these things I’m afraid of, my friend asked me why I keep doing them, why do I keep travelling this way if it scares me so much.
To be honest, it was the first time anyone had asked me that, but the answer was so “normal” to me, that the question almost sounded weird.
Why do I keep doing it?
Because, of course, it’s not pleasant to be scared of everything and yes, I often feel like an idiot who should’ve just stayed home.
But what’s -at least to me- even more ridiculous than being scared of everything, is not doing anything because of this fear. Staying home and missing out on everything, just because I’m scared…? Not in a million years. So yeah, I’ll run away screaming when I see an insect and I’ll panic when the waves get too high. And yes, that may all be ridiculous – but I would never want it to stop me from doing something I want to do.
So for those who think they should stay at home, because only the fearless travel the world, I can only say the opposite is true. Go! Leave! Do what you’re afraid of and find out you actually can do more than you thought.
It’s a great feeling and I can recommend it to everyone!
Or to quote a great songwriter:
“To me, “FEARLESS” is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death.”
T.S.
